Pocketful of Joules

I have a confession to make.

And I’m going to apologize in advance, because this is something that most women really don’t want to hear – especially if they are currently pregnant or have previously been pregnant. So I’ll understand if you curse at me under your breath.

I’ve had a really easy pregnancy.

The first trimester is known for some fatty boombatty weight gain and massive morning sickness. Yeah, I didn’t have any of that. I never felt sick. I didn’t have any aversions to food or strange cravings. I didn’t have morning, afternoon or evening sickness. Oh, I did temporarily lose my taste for coffee, but that came back after a couple months. Pretty much the only thing that happened was my tummy immediately stuck out and I got even more, um…bosomy.

I figured that I’d gone through so much other drama, that maybe this was where I’d luck out. I’d had friends with complications or 8 months of “morning sickness” so I truly knew how lucky I was. I was appreciative of each and every day of feeling good. But yes, I’ll admit I was a bit smug inside my own head at how awesome I was at this pregnancy thing.

The second trimester was easy peesy too. We found out the sex of our baby super early on and all the additional tests, doctor’s appointments and sonograms went well. I had some acid reflux issues, but I’d had those before I was pregnant – so I didn’t even know if they were the same or worse than before. I didn’t have any of those crazy hormone breakdowns of crying or randomly yelling at my husband.* We also agreed on a baby name super easily and only went back and forth on middle name options for a month or so.

The only yucky thing was that I can’t seem to sleep – I’m up a few times a night to either use the bathroom, quiet the dog down (long story, apparently he has decided that he is high maintenance), or just sit there and stare at the clock. However, I’ve gone through bouts of insomnia many times before, so that wasn’t exactly something new in my life.

Oh and my husband totally earned extra brownie points because he said that I was “making pregnancy look easy” by still dressing pretty cute and not getting super fat. Apparently, I’m one of those lucky ones where all of the baby is sticking out in front of my tummy like a bowling ball.

Yeah, you kind of want to kick me in the shin right now, right?

Actually, I want to kick me – I sound like a total brat. This is why when people asked me how my pregnancy was going I’d just say “fine” and leave it at that. Nobody wants to hear someone brag about how great they’re doing.

Well, the reason I can tell you this now is because it’s all gone to hell in the third trimester. And here is where the whining begins:

In the last couple weeks my acid reflux has gotten so bad that I’ll wake up in the middle of the night to be sick. So sick that I’ve actually burst blood vessels in my eye. Yeah, it’s THAT awesome. Because the best way to get that much needed REM is by being startled awake with just enough time to run and hurl into the toilet.

I had my glucose test, which is a fabulous little thing where you drink a yucky drink and then have your blood drawn an hour later to see how your body dealt with the sugar. Well, after multiple needle pricks (my veins suck and it always takes the technician multiple tries to find one…and did I mention, I HATE needles?) they finally took my blood. And I failed the test. So I get to go back and do the three hour version of the test on Friday. I have to take off work to sit around in the lab for three hours, being poked every hour on the hour to take some more of my blood. If I fail this next test, I will have to follow a special diet for the rest of my pregnancy and may even have to go on insulin. Oh, and many women who get gestational diabetes go on to develop type 2 diabetes years later. So let’s all cross our fingers that the first test was a fluke and I’m actually fine.

My last complaint is about itching. Imagine that you’ve walked into a bunch of poison ivy and got sunburn all over your body at the exact same time. Now imagine that when you scratch the itchy area, instead of relieving the itch it just makes it angry and it itches even worse. That’s how I’ve been feeling.  It is a non-stop, itchy, “my skin hurts and itches so bad I want to fill a tub with calamine lotion and bathe in it” kind of feeling. Yup, yet another reason that I can no longer sleep at night (this has got to be great practice for the baby, right?).

My wonderful friends on Facebook have recommended lots of different lotions and potions, some of which actually help a little bit. The problem is that the insane itching and some other symptoms I have are pointing towards a condition called cholestasis.

I’m hoping that it’s just normal pregnancy itchiness and I’m just a big wimp. However, until I get my blood test results (probably next week) I will be freaking out because cholestasis can be very dangerous for your baby.

Best case scenario: it’s just normal pregnancy itchiness and I’m going to have to deal with it for the next 11ish weeks until the baby is born.

Worst case scenario: Well, let’s not talk about that. But it may be very likely that the baby will have to be delivered at 37 weeks to protect him.

So, that’s my answer to “how is your pregnancy going?” Honestly, the last 7 months have been great. And it might be great again in another week or so when I have all my latest test results back. But for the moment, I’m going to whine.

I swear I’ll get over it quickly though; nobody likes a whiner…probably even less than they like a braggart.

Luckily I’ve got lots of exciting stuff to keep my mind off my issues – we’re going to settlement for our new house on Friday afternoon and will be slowly moving in over the next couple weeks. My awesome friends have also planned a baby shower for me this weekend and I’m super looking forward to seeing a bunch of my friends & family and opening cute and soft baby presents.

Well, would you look at that – I’m feeling better already.

Now about that tub of calamine lotion…

* At THAT time. Since then I’ve totally ripped his head off for moving the cords where we set up our cellphones. Really. And yes, it was as stupid as it sounds.