Category: Family

When I went into the hospital to have Jack, my grandmother (Nana) was admitted into the same hospital a few days later. The doctors weren’t totally sure what was wrong with her, but thought it might be pneumonia. Even though I was at the hospital every day for almost a month to visit my son, I couldn’t go up and see her because I couldn’t risk bringing the germs back downstairs into the NICU.

Nana was released from the hospital into a nursing home for what was expected to be short term care before going back home. However, she still wasn’t doing very well. Jack was finally released from the NICU, so we loaded everyone up into my truck – my husband, mother, brother, me and Jack – and went to visit her at the nursing home.

I absolutely hate nursing homes.

Actually, that’s pretty much the understatement of the year. They are just terrible, awful, depressing places. The ones I’ve visited always have a sour smell to them and the majority of the people who work there seem like they totally hate their jobs.

Nana still was not doing well and it seemed like nobody even cared. My mother (who deserves a medal or a big shiny tiara for everything she’s done) kept on top of all the nurses and doctors to make sure that my grandmother was receiving the proper treatment.

When we went in to visit her, my Nana seemed to recognize us all but was barely able to speak due to coughing issues and a dry throat. We tried to anticipate her needs and questions and answer them for her. I teased her about ordering some male strippers to cheer her up and held Jack up for her to see. She had been looking forward to meeting her first great-grandchild and I’m happy that we were able to make that happen.

She passed away a couple days later.

Her funeral will be held this week and my mother has asked me to speak about my grandmother before the formal ceremony starts.

Of course, I told her I’d absolutely write something to say at the service. However as I prepare to write down my feelings about my grandmother I’m having the worst case of writers block.

How do you put into words the feelings you have for someone who has loved you your whole life? She was so many things to so many different people, but to me she was silly and caring and fun. One of my favorite things was to work something inappropriate into a typical conversation and see if she noticed. Without fail, she’d look at me and say “Ohhh Julie” with a little giggle.

At 86 years old, I didn’t expect her to live forever but that doesn’t mean I was prepared to lose her now.

I posted on Facebook last night about my frustration with those relationships where I do 95% of the work. This isn’t something new that descended on my life with the birth of our baby, but something that has been happening slowly over time.

As a “Type A” kinda girl, I usually don’t mind being the one that takes the initiative to make plans. I’ll shoot out an email or call up my peeps* and plan for a dinner or happy hour or whatnot. People show up, we hang out and everyone is happy.  Then, I do it all again. It’s worked for me – I have lots of fun stuff to look forward to on my calendar and I get to see my friends.

But then something happened and I started to get annoyed that I was the one that always had to instigate the plans. Maybe it was the fact that I was getting busier with taking on a large nonprofit project, starting a new job, moving, etc. All that random life stuff that takes up time and brainpower. Maybe I had just reached my threshold of putting up with BS. Either way, I was starting to get annoyed.

But I was busy, so I continued on with life as I knew it. Reaching out and making plans to see everyone before the baby was born.

Then Jack came and I pretty much unplugged from life for a while. Some of my friends and family were so awesome and supportive and all that great stuff.  Others let me know that they were there for me and gave me space to do what I needed to do. All of that was wonderful and dandy.

Those people who were just chilling on the edges of my life waiting for me to make the plans?

Yeah, never heard from any of them. Now, it’s possible that they’re just giving me space and will check in when things are back to normal. Of course, I’m not really sure what my new normal is now. I’m guessing that this up most of the night and staring at my baby each day will be normal for a while.

The difference is that I no longer feel the need to force the friendships to continue. I have an awesome life with an amazing husband, sweet dog, and cute and snuggly baby. I love spending time with my mom, dad, brother and sisters. My husband’s family rocks. I have some incredibly sweet, generous, caring and hilarious friends in my life. My coworkers are also surprisingly great.

And you know what, that’s enough.

I’m not closing and locking the door on those friends that faded out of my life. But I’m certainly not looking longingly out the window waiting for them to arrive either.

So my suggestion to you is the look at the relationships in your life – whether they be friendships or relationships in business. If you have one that is way more “take, take, take” instead of “give, take, give, take” – back off a little. If that makes you feel better, back off a little more.

Aren’t you awesome enough that you should just be surrounded by other awesome people?

*Yum…peeps! Is it Easter yet???