Category: Family

You Make It Look So Easy

A friend of mine who I’ve known for almost exactly 18 years came to visit me a couple weekends ago. And yes, I totally used a calculator to figure out how long we have known each other. We met when I was just 17 and a freshman in college and now I’ve just had my 35th birthday.

I’ve known her through multiple long term boyfriends, even more short term boyfriends, 5 jobs, 5 cars, 4 moves, 2 tattoos, a ton of home improvement projects, 1 wedding and now 1 baby.

Any which way, my friend came for a visit. We decided to attend a wine festival, which is always a super fun outing. However, this was the first time she had attended one with me in the role of mommy. So all day she watched me juggle Jack’s needs – feeding him, changing him, entertaining him, snuggling him – while also having a conversation with her and tasting yummy wine.

Hey mommy – is that a glass of wine in your hand? Can I spill it for you?

Do you have a visual there? Is it a totally frazzled mommy who actually has a few minutes to hang out with a friend and sip some wine in between kid wrangling? Okay, that’s exactly what was going on.

At the end of the day after discussing pretty much everything under the sun, she says to me, “You make it look so easy.”

I’m pretty sure my reaction was to pull Jack’s foot out of his mouth (for some reason he’s been totally into sucking on his socks…) while shoving my sweaty hair from my face and laugh at her.

She said that the only time she’s ever seen me falter is when I lost my job last fall. She said again that everything just comes so easy to me.

I laughed it off at the time, but that thought has just been echoing through my mind and refuses to leave.

I’ve had crappy relationships where I was terribly unhappy. I thought I might end up alone with nobody to love me. But I make it look so easy?

I’ve had jobs where I was totally miserable. I’ve worked my butt off doing the most menial work in order to slowly crawl my way up the ladder. Only to be kicked down again. But I make it look so easy?

I’ve had health scares with lumps in places that they shouldn’t be, pre-cancerous spots that needed to be hacked off my skin, and an autoimmune skin disease that will last my entire life. But I make it look so easy?

I was stuck in a townhouse that I was aching to sell for so long that I started despising it. There were scary drug dealers a few houses down from me and one night we had to call the cops because someone was getting their butt kicked on my front lawn. But I make it look so easy?

I had scary pregnancy complications that could have resulted in Jack not being born. As it turned out,  I had a preemie 2 months early who had to stay in the hospital for 3 weeks with all sorts of wires sticking out of him. But I make it look so easy?

There is never enough money in savings for me to truly relax. I’m unhappy with my current weight and never actually have the time or energy to do anything about it. I can’t even remember that last time I had a full night of sleep, but if I had to give my best guess it would be over a year ago.

But I somehow make it look so easy.

Part of me is offended by that statement. Like my hard work at keeping everything under control is being overlooked or belittled.

When I really thought about it though, I’ve decided that I’m going to take it as a compliment (which I’m pretty sure my friend intended).

Yeah, life is hard sometimes. That is no reason to sit there and whine and moan about how hard it is. If you have a problem, figure out a way to overcome it. If something is getting you down, try to fix it.

My “secret” to making things look so easy…?

I focus on the positive and I sure as heck appreciate what I have.

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Bust a Move — We Found Childcare!

Remember how I was freaking out about sending my kid to a hoarder for childcare?

Well, this week’s experience was pretty much the opposite of that. It was actually the EXACT experience that I wish that tour had been.

When my original childcare option for Friday’s fell through, my mom so nicely stepped in and added another day to her schedule. So instead of watching Jack for three days a week, she was now committed to four days. It was super awesome of her to take on the extra day, but I felt terribly guilty about it. Even though I thoroughly appreciate her taking care of my son, I didn’t want to be a burden on her or take advantage of her in any way.

So I started looking for other childcare options.

I was kind of scared of using another in-home childcare, seeing how they may not be exactly what they seem. So, I held off on researching them for the time being.

A nanny coming to our house sounds pretty great; since we wouldn’t have to pack up the baby and drop him off first thing in the morning. It could be a bit pricy though, even at $10 an hour we’re talking almost $500 a month for just one day a week. With this option, I was a bit nervous about having a stranger in our home on a weekly basis. Sure, the nanny may be incredibly awesome and act like another member of our family. But she could also totally ignore our kid while eating everything in the pantry and watching TV all day. Also, if she had to call out sick at the last minute it would leave us in a bind.

So, we were back to looking at childcare options in our area. Unfortunately many places will not accept an infant on a part-time basis, so that really narrowed our choices down for us.

However, I’m so happy to say that we found the perfect place! I don’t feel comfortable releasing the name of the center, since I’m not doing a big ol’ official review or anything. And, um… hello this is my kid we’re taking about and I should keep up some sort of security. However, we went on a tour yesterday and the place was fantastic.

Here are some of the things I loved:

  • They have a security system in place so random people can’t just wander in and pet the children.
  • There is a separate room for each age group with age-appropriate toys and classroom activities.
  • The children all seemed to be happy, comfortable and having a great time.
  • The place was super neat and clean. Yay, no hoarding!
  • The lady in charge of the infant’s room was awesome.
  • The price for two days a week (their minimum) works for us and was less expensive than a 1 day a week nanny.

Here is what we didn’t like:

  • The center is in the opposite direction of our jobs.

With just one thing on the “con” list, we knew we found a winner. In fact, once my husband and I got to the car we just sat there saying, “I LOVE it!” over and over.

Now THAT is the feeling I wanted to have when I left a tour of my son’s childcare!

We are really excited for Jack to have the chance to interact with other children in a safe and clean environment. Since we plan on him being our only child, it is really great for him to spend time with other kids. One of the best parts is it will give my mom a bit of a break… knocking her back down to just two days a week. Still a great amount of time for Grammy/Jack bonding, but a little more breathing room too.

It’s going to suck to have to drive extra two mornings a week, but my husband and I will split it so it shouldn’t be too bad. I’m also going to have to come in to work early on those days so that I can leave early and pick Jack up by 6:00. The childcare place is pretty strict about pick up times and I don’t want them to sell my kid into slavery if I’m late.

So after a couple weeks of stressing out about this, I’m happy to have a solution! Oh, and I’m also happy that I now have a reason to go and buy an incredibly adorable baby Halloween costume.

Speaking of, anyone have any fun costume ideas? I saw another family dressed up like the Incredibles a few years ago and have been threatening my husband with family costumes ever since.

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Trusting Your Gut

I hate to be the bad guy.

I typically try to give people the benefit of the doubt. Many times it has served me well and a few times it has come back to bite me in the butt.

For those new to my blog, you’ll need to know that my son was born two months early. We had just moved a couple weeks prior and then, boom shacka lacka, the baby came. Which is awesome, except for the fact that we hadn’t really figured out childcare yet.

I mean, we knew that my mom was going to watch Jack three days a week and my husband was going to watch him one day a week. The original plan was for me to stay home one day a week, but the whole losing my job and getting a new one messed that up.

So we needed someone for just one day each week, which is really hard to find. Childcare providers are only allowed a certain number of infants, so they prefer to watch them more often in order to make the most money.

We lucked out though and found out about a lady just 10 minutes from our house. She was best friends with my mom’s cousin (who also previously did childcare) and had over 20 years of experience. Let’s call her Betty for the rest of the story so that we can keep things straight.

Well, when I spoke to Betty on the phone she sounded great. She seemed super nice and even had an infant spot available on Friday’s starting with the school year.

My first call to her was in May, even though we didn’t really need her until August. Betty and I agreed to touch base again in early-June, since her May was insanely busy. Well, June turned into July, which then turned into early-August, due to random issues. No big deal.

Well, our first two appointments we set up in August were cancelled because her daughter went into labor and had some complications (understandable). The next two appointments were cancelled because one of the children was sick who then infected the other kids (also understandable). Yesterday’s appointment was cancelled because she forgot she had other plans (um, okay).

All of these things I can forgive – I mean, I’m a busy girl too and I certainly was appreciative of her warning me about the flu germs before I showed up with Jack. The problem is that she is scheduled to start watching my son NEXT FRIDAY and I still hadn’t met her in person.

Which brings us to today.

I had an appointment to come by her house today at 11:00 am. I showed up on time and she greeted me at the door. She was super nice in person. The three children she was watching were (mostly) well behaved. She held Jack and made him laugh hysterically. Throughout our hour-long conversation, I even agreed with her on many of her childcare philosophies.

Sounds perfect, right?

Well, it would have been if not for one little thing…I think Betty is a hoarder.

There was stuff everywhere. And when I say everywhere, I don’t mean a little sprinkled here and there. I mean the place was PACKED. She mentioned in passing that she was consigning a few things, but as I was given the ‘tour’ into each room I realized that there was NO WAY that all this stuff was waiting to be donated.

Now, I know I sound a bit like a snob complaining that the place wasn’t as neat and clean as I would have liked it. And I am admittedly a bit of a neat freak and keep my space as clutter-free as possible. However, let me assure you that this was NOT normal clutter.

It looked like Toys R’ Us exploded in her house. Every single room had stacks and stacks and stacks of children’s toys and books. And when I say stacks, imagine that there is a clear area in the center of the room and every other area is FILLED with toys.

There was absolutely no room for the kids to run and play…or even walk and play. There was hardly any room at all.

Betty didn’t seem too concerned with the mess, so I tried to tell myself that I was just overreacting. We planned for me to drop Jack off next Friday and I went on my merry way.

As I was driving up the street, the horror set in. The conversation in my head went something like this:

Devil Julie: “The place is gross.”
Angel Julie: “Well, maybe she just has a lot to be consigned.”

Devil Julie: “Hoarder, hoarder, hoarder!!”
Angel Julie: “Jack doesn’t crawl or walk yet, so maybe we can try it out for a month and see how it goes.”

Devil Julie: “You can’t make me go back there!”
Angel Julie: “I already committed to have Jack go there. I don’t want to be the bad guy.”

Devil Julie: “NO WAY! There isn’t even room for Jack to crawl around! And how clean can the place really be with all that stuff? And what if a pile falls on him and he gets CRUSHED BY TOYS?”
Angel Julie: “Shit. You’re right”

When I got home I called both my husband and my mom to see if I was just being crazy. After hearing about the situation, my mom totally saved the day by offering to watch Jack for an additional day each week. We’ll continue looking for other childcare options; however we all realize that it’s possible we might not find anything until Jack is considered a toddler in February.

So now I have the unpleasant task of being the bad guy. I have to call Betty and tell her that we won’t be using her for childcare after all. It’s going to be awkward and I’m totally dreading the call.

Here’s a question for you all, should I tell her the real reason we changed our mind?

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